What comes to mind when you think of the ideal leader?
I think of somebody with strong emotional intelligence (EQ).
EQs role in leadership is so important that Amazon has a leadership program called EPIC leadership. EPIC stands for Empathy, Purpose, Inspiration, and Connection.
I was accepted into a cohort that started in March. One thing they teach you is that EQ leaders have earned their teams trust, listen, are easy to talk to, and frequently make careful, informed decisions.
That’s the type of leader I want to be, and if you’re reading this, I’m sure you want that, too.
Here are the four lessons I have learned about being an EQ leader.
But first, common misunderstandings about EQ
EQ means being a pushover. It doesn’t. You’ll have to be diplomatic and assertive when you disagree with an idea or have to deliver tough feedback.
EQ means you’ll always respond to a situation correctly. Wrong. You’re only human. The goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s to be more self-aware and aware of others.
It’s okay to change your mind
J. Cole, rapper and co-founder of Dreamville Ventures, has shown the world that it’s okay for leaders to change their minds.
Three weeks ago, Kendrick dissed J. Cole and Drake in a song. Kendrick let them know that he’s not sharing the podium with anyone.
F*** the big 3, it’s just big me
J. Cole responded with a 3.32-minute song on his mixtape Might Delete Later. Rap fans loved it, but this isn’t normal behavior for J. Cole.
He typically shares life lessons, spreads positivity, and, of course, also claims to be the best rapper. But dedicating an entire song to downplaying someone else felt different.
As a fan of rap, I was intrigued. It was exciting to witness two of the biggest rappers competing. It really felt like a Super Bowl. However, as a student of emotional intelligence, I told my wife that this seemed out of character for J. Cole.
Two days after it was released, J. Cole told his fans and the world that his response didn’t sit right with his spirit, and he apologized to Kendrick.
Some fans were mad. They wanted to see Kendrick and J. Cole go back and forth. But I was impressed. Cole demonstrated self-awareness, vulnerability, and ownership by apologizing publicly.
It’s a great lesson for leaders. You don’t always have to be right. Instead, make the best decision with the information you have. As you collect and process more data, be willing to admit when you’re wrong.
Be diplomatic and assertive
When J. Cole apologized, he knew people would give him a hard time, but he spoke confidently.
As a leader, there will be times when you need to be assertive. That doesn’t mean you are obnoxiously aggressive. Instead, you should speak with confidence and be assertive in your vision, idea, or direction for the team.
I learned this back in 2015. I became a tech lead. For the first time, I was responsible for assigning tasks, removing roadblocks, and attending project meetings.
Most of the team was supportive, but one guy never listened. He was 50, a master electrician, and had a government clearance.
Finally, my manager sat me down and said, “Jio, sometimes you gotta use your big boy voice.”
I reflected on my manager’s advice and merged it with my style. The next day, I asked the electrician what he felt needed to be done. I listened and asked him to complete that task, but when he was done, I told him I needed his help to complete X and explained why. He agreed.
I learned that I didn’t need to yell to get things done. I just had to be diplomatic and assertive.
Lead from the front
How you gon’ move on the front line — Joyner Lucas
New engineering managers learn to step back from the day-to-day engineering tasks. This allows them to shift their mindset from IC to people manager.
However, sometimes, sending an email, providing feedback, or listening isn’t enough. Instead, your team needs to be on the front lines with them. They need you to get your hands dirty.
I was reminded of this last month. My team was feeling overwhelmed with the goals and initiatives (G&Is) we had to support in addition to our core responsibilities. Initially, I prioritized the G&Is for them, but that didn’t help. So, I scheduled a Sprint where we would work together to complete one initiative.
We collaborated, joked around, and ate (I bought lunch and snacks). Everyone had fun hanging out, and we decided to do it again.
Working side-by-side with your team when they’re overwhelmed lets them know you’re really there for them and you’re not just an observer.
In times of crisis, be a commanding leader
I enjoy collaborating with my team on a challenge. However, there are moments when a collaborative leader can be detrimental to a team.
I learned this lesson when we had to write a root cause analysis (RCA) for an event. We had two weeks to determine the cause, identify action items, and write the report.
I knew the best practices, but I was worried about coming across as an authoritarian (or a commander).
So, instead, I reverted to being a passive leader. I let my team decide what they should focus on.
A week went by without any progress. My team needed help. I reviewed the information we had and assigned each person an action item. We got it done, and I learned a valuable lesson.
In times of crisis, like missing a critical deadline, being short-staffed, or a big organizational change, your team needs you to provide direction. They need you to be a leader.
In summary
Emotions affect (positively and negatively) our ability to pay attention, make decisions, build relationships, and perform.
If you want a high-performing team, you have to be able to manage your emotions and understand others.
To learn more about emotional intelligence, you can start with:
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/emotional-intelligence-eq.htm
Lead from the front is very important from time to time.
A manager who’s well versed in what their team is delivering can be much more effective in helping unblock.
Great summary!
Thanks for reading, Akash!